It's been a long time since I've been meaning to write you. This letter, these words, should have been expressed to you much earlier. I apologize for not making contact before. For many years we were not in touch. I didn't even know if you were still alive. But you are, and in a miraculous way we found each other again after all these years, just when I was thinking about you! So, it is time to share with you how grateful I am to you.
To begin with, I apologize for the way my mother ended our relationship. At the time I was heartbroken, and I can only imagine what it felt like for you. What had happened to your afterwards? Did you take on more kids? As for me, I recovered, I overcame, I adjusted and grew. Just like a child should. Yet, it is important that you know that even though I continued with my life, your role in them remained significant.
I cannot pinpoint exactly how you helped shape me. But when thinking of my early childhood, it is obvious that you were an island of stability, providing warmth and love. Spending time with your family, having conversations over lunch, taking a bath (once a week we washed my hair!) – you are just there in so many memories of routine. You are an inseparable part of the bricks that build up what "life" was to me as a toddler and child. And as my world was shaken by my parents' divorce, I am pretty sure that your presence helped me make sense of everything, build resilience.
Today, I am a mother myself, putting my daughter in the hands of a nanny. Now I can fully realize how important it is to have someone you trust be with your child, raise her. As a mother, my daughter's nanny gives me not only time but the ease and peace of mind to go back to the world, remember who I am as a whole person and dream of accomplishment and fulfilment. I want to inspire my daughter to follow her dreams and desires, and I can only do that when part of the time there is a significant caretaker, other than me, dedicated to her. Knowing this, I want to thank you for caring for me so much, enabling me to learn this important lesson about life from my own mother. From between your safe and warm arms I could watch both of you and learn about caring, dedication and fulfilment. I thank you for providing me not only a stable ground to walk on, but an opportunity to look up to the sky and dream of stars.
Thank you,
I love you,
I wish you health, and hope you realize that you are part of me, always.
Maayan
